I Seduced Her to the Floor

A few months ago I had the enjoyable experience of seeing what I thought was going to be a pretty standard CDV (criminal domestic violence) plea, that ended up being so much more.  It was awesome.  Things went pretty normally till the judge asked the victim if he would like to speak and then craziness ensued.  Mr. Victim casually sauntered up to the bar and said he guessed he could say a few words that began a 10 minute rant about how he had money and no debt until the day he had married Ms. Jane Doe and that his life had been nothing but heartache from there.  Then after rambling for a bit more he got to the good bit...when describing what happened he said that the wife threw hot grease on him (not the good point.  wait for it....)and that at that point he had no choice and I quote but to "seduce her to the floor and then hold her down with my good arm."  To this day we still all chuckle about this.  Maybe it doesn't translate too well to blog form but trust me this was awesomely funny. As my co-worker jokes was he like, " Hey baby, look at this nice floor.  Isn't it so sexy? Don't you wanna just reach down and touch it?"   So lesson here folks if you commit an assault against your partner be prepared for them to seduce you into submission on the sexy sexy floor.